The Bean Chronicles

Has anyone ever dated someone like this?

2009-09-17T13:00:00.001-07:00

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

This is pretty amazing and depressing at the same time.

2009-09-15T06:45:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9Et7UQh1tg

Top 10 Things to do in Temple on the High Holidays

2009-09-14T12:37:00.001-07:00

All of these have been tested by yours truly at least once in the past 32 years. Enjoy.

1) Braid your dad’s tallis strings.
2) Make sculptures out of bobbie pins.
3) Play with the young kids’ toys in the lobby.
4) Un-rig the water fountain on Yom Kippur and proceed to drink from it.
5) Pretend the hallways are haunted and scare little kids.
6) “Accidentally” back into the light switches.
7) Count the ceiling tiles.
8) See if you can find two loaner yarmulkes from the same Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
9) Flirt with the non-Jewish hired help, ie., the security guards.
10) Sit in the back and make fake shofar sounds.

Transition to a Real Person

2009-09-09T08:22:00.001-07:00

Just returning from a great weekend away in Saco, Maine, I'm realizing a few things. Clo is growing up. Gone are the days where she just loafs around. She's interactive like a little spider. She plays peek-a-boo, has a few little words that she mumbles here and there (hi, uh-oh, ma, daddy, da), and she mimicks all sorts of sounds. Seems like she's far beyond her 11 months, but really, she's pretty textbook. I just like to think she's ahead because she's my kid. She's pretty much right where What to Expect says she should be.

Rigatoni with Eggplant Sauce

2009-08-31T11:31:00.000-07:00

1 pkg rigatoni
1 can crushed tomatoes
3 cloves garlic
1/2 lg onion
Olive oil
1 tbsp sugar
Handful fresh basil (coarsely chopped)
Salt
Pepper
oregano
1 large eggplant
Canola oil - to cover frying pan
1/2 lg mozzarella ball

Sautee garlic and olive oil until lightly browned. Add tomatoes sugar, basil, salt, pepper, oregano. Bring to a boil and then lower heat. Sautee eggplant in canola until soft. Add to sauce. Simmer at least an hour. Cook pasta al dente and toss together w/ sauce. Add mozz before serving and stir. Top w/ pecorino romano or parmigiano.

Too tired

2009-08-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

I definitely don't have it in me anymore. I'm one of those go, go, go people. I get it from my parents, who at 60ish, still can do it. I am exhausted. I know the true meaning of burning the candle at both ends, which is probably why I get sick a lot. Yesterday, I had a filming in the morning for a website. I had to get there early and got fully made-up for only about a few minutes of footage. They probably won't even use that much of it. Then, we had a champagne lunch at work to celebrate. Then, a bowling party. Then, I met Steve to go all the way to the east village for a going away party for my friend Skye. Who by the way, is my first friend wo really left me to go someplace really far away. She's moving to San Francisco. I used to go there for work a lot, but I don't have any trips scheduled there until next summer. I am so tired today. I'm trying to muster up the energy for the rest of the day which involves going to Bikram (or some other form of equally nutty, intensive, stupid workout) .

Big girl

2009-08-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

Clo decided to stick her hand in my hot coffee this morning and wipe it all over my shirt. OK, it wasn't too hot (translated, she didn't cry) but it was definitely hot enough. Silly girl. She likes to do it with soup too. I didn't change my shirt. I figure if you have a kid, it's okay to show up to work with stains.

Oh, and she's totally blowing kisses to daddy now when he leaves for work! When I go, she's either sad or indifferent, like, who cares mom, you'll be back soon enough. I do try and spend as much time with her as possible. Dad takes the 7-8 shift while I sleep (or she's back in the crib while he's at the gym). Then I wake up, quickly shower and take the 8-9 shift before I go to work.

When I get home at 6:00, I usually take her to the park for a playdate with the other kids. I hang out with these two women a lot. One of them, almost every night. Funny how having a common interest makes you close all of a sudden. I really like these girls and their babies. I'm actually sad when one of us has plans after work. Sometimes, we all go to the bar together. The babies are getting restless though. It usually works when it gets late and then they're all tired. Then, they might sleep in their strollers. Not too much lately though.

It's getting a bit harder to entertain Clo at a restaurant. We still do it though, about once a week. It's so important to upkeep a sense of normality. I still stand true to the fact that having a kid change your life is not a negative thing, as so many people try and make it. I don't even care that people are out eating and drinking on beautiful nights in New York. I'm out rolling around with Clo in the grass. I take such pleasure in that. Then, when Stevie gets home, we can either all play together, or we can go somewhere. It's not like we're trapped in our apartment every night. Although lately, he's been working a little later. I love that he tries to rush home for those precious few moments with Clo before she goes to sleep. Seeing him with her is the best.

Martha Stewart’s Chicken (Sort of – I used the recipe as a base. Respect, Martha!)

2009-08-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

½ large onion
3 garlic cloves
Olive oil
2 chicken breasts (tastes better w/ bone in, but this can be hard to find)
½ c OJ
Splash of red wine vinegar
2 teaspoons sugar
Handful of currants or raisins
½ cup large cous cous

In a heavy pot, sautée onion and garlic until golden brown. Add chicken and brown
on both sides. Add OJ, vinegar, sugar, currants. Cover pot and simmer 20 mins or until chicken is cooked through. Boil water and cook cous cous al dente. Serve chicken with sauce over the cous cous.

It's all over

2009-08-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

Gone are the days where we can just plop Clo on the floor and go about our business. She's really into everything. Today she shredded all of the magazines we had in our bin. I had to salvage the Obama and Michael Jackson Rolling Stones.

She is just about ready to start walking. She totally pulls up by herself without thinking about it, and she is crawling like a champ.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MOM!!!

2009-07-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

Coincidence? The kid is waving and saying, "HI" now at the same time. So what if it sounds more like a southern drawl, ("HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI") it's still hi and she knows it!

She's getting such a mommy thing. All she wants is me these days, which is gratifying and sad at the same time, if that makes sense. She can't take it when I leave the house in the morning. Sure, she's fine within 5 minutes of me closing the door. I know this because sometimes I stand at the door and wait.

A Milestone Every Day

2009-07-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start posting some of Clo's new things, milestones, etc. Let's see how this goes. There have been so many lately. Sometimes, it really is the little things in life!

She now stands every morning. Time to lower the crib. When I was a year and a half, I jumped out of my crib and said, "why Haley jump out of cribby?"

Saturday, we took Clo to the Bronx zoo. The seals made their "feeding" sounds in intervals of five yelps. Clo mimicked them exactly, numerous times. Who knew that a seal would teach my little girl how to count? I gotta get me one of those!

Yesterday, I took her to the park. I was playing this game with her where I buried my head in her lap. Everytime I did it, she picked my head up and wanted more.

She stood up in her crib this morning!

2009-07-23T07:45:00.001-07:00

What a milestone. Who ever thought that I could get this excited about a baby standing up?

Colorado Dreamin'

2009-07-22T07:39:00.001-07:00

By popular demand, I was asked to talk about Boulder. Our little clan went there for a visit, and stayed near my folks. Clo was a miserable nightmare on the plane, as we anticipated, but it was nothing we couldn't handle. Stevie handled it like a champ, taking on the lion's share of holding her, rocking her, and letting her sleep on him. At times, it was more cute and pathetic than annoying. The highlight was when the guy in front of us spent about an hour with his fingers in his ears. C'mon, you were a crabby kid once too, dude.

The reasons why I haven't felt compelled to write about our trip to Boulder are many. But, since I was asked to, I will. The trip, in a nutshell, was amazing, too short, and emotional. We did all the requisite Boulder things -- running in the canyon, Farmer's Market, Pearl Street. Not a true Boulder thing, but we even got to see one of our favorite bands, Wilco, at Redrocks. Now, that was an experience.

We really should have stayed longer. With the day-long flight debacles (we almost missed three out of our four flights, two of which were our fault, one of which was not), we didn't have much actual time in Boulder. Next year, we'll stay for a longer period of time, for sure.

It was emotional for me because Boulder was the place I grew up... not where I grew up, that was Bayside, but I did a lot of growing up there. I wonder if my brother Jesse feels the same way. I think he does but I never asked.

There were quite a few summers during my formative years when I was the only girl amidst a bunch of raucous teen-age boys, some of whom were very bad kids back then. It wasn't until I got one of them to fall in love with me, (which, was also when the rest of them started turning human) that I began to truly enjoy myself there. Funny how a 14 year old boy can make things fall into place for you in so many different ways. It was inevitable that we would grow apart and I'd break his heart, but it was three very important years before that happened.

Needless to say, bringing my daughter and the man I love more than life itself there was emotional. That, on top of a bunch of other things that are going on in my life right now, made the trip a little hard for me to take. It made leaving even harder. That drive on Highway 36 to the airport is always hard, but this year for it was harder than it ever had been -- even harder than the year I was 13 and I went along for the ride to take that 14 year old boy to the airport.

Boulder is an escape for most, if not all of the people in our extended group. Some of the kids (now we're all in our 30s, with the adults being in their 60s) spend weeks there at a time with their own families. It's not just so we can be with our respective families. It's more than that. It's this perfect valley tucked neatly beneath the breathtaking Flatiron Mountains, and in so many ways for all of us, it means the same thing. Stability. It means knowing that you'll always go back there. It means that the beauty, the grandeur, will always be there.

We're probably the largest group of people that know each other without any marriage breakups. Even if the husbands and wives don't like each other for a little while, they're married to the group too. They can ignore their significant others for a few days and just hang out with their friends until they get over it. OK, maybe that's a little extreme, but that's definitely something I was convinced of when I was younger. I do believe that my parent's group is the driving force behind myself always making sure I keep up my friendships. I make all of our plans. Not just for me and my family, but for my friends too. I owe the happiness in that aspect of my life to the original Boulder clan, for sure.

There you have it - I wrote. Judging by the content, these feelings probably could have happened anywhere, like in the Catskills, or at camp. But they didn't. For me, and about 30 or 40 others, it happened in Boulder.

It's all good

2009-07-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

When you're pregnant, everyone says, just wait until you have the kid...everything is going to change. Why does that have to be a bad thing? True, things have changed, but the changes have been incredible. Being in the city, we really have everything right at our doorstep. Money is a bit tighter, so we're spending a lot more time hanging in with friends, enjoying the free stuff in the city, and I'm cooking all the time, which I love.

This summer with Chloe has been incredible so far. I have forgone my after work work-outs for some pretty intense quickies earlier in the day, which have proven to be much more efficient for me. I am home every night by 6:00 pm, and we're off. I've been forced to make a lot of friends, because Steve isn't home until around 8:30, and frankly, I don't like to be alone. Especially because Chloe isn't much for conversation these days. :) I have to say, the women I've meet have become a true support group. We're all in the same boat, and we have such adorable children, who are developing at pretty much the same rate. No one is competitive with each other, although we all come from different socio-economic backgrounds, I'm sure. Everyone is just really down to earth, sharing a common bond. We've been meeting up a lot after work, going to concerts, or just hanging out in our respective apartments -- yes, I move my coffee table. It's been absolutely cathartic for me.

I don't know how I'm going to feel tomorrow, but for today, I'm content. I have a good job and a really healthy work/life balance. Sure, things have changed, but I'm convinced they're all for the better.

Bouquet of Herbs

2009-06-30T06:41:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends from teenagerdom came over on Sunday. She's a bit of a treehugger but I won't hold it against her. Primarily because I love her, she's my husband's favorite out of all of my friends, and she loves to cook as much as I do. She brought me a bouquet of herbs -- sage, rosemary, thyme, and basil. It was gorgeous, I have to say I got pretty excited, just conjuring up dozens of recipes, including salads, pastas, (can you make herb desserts?) etc. Here's something I came up with last night that I wasn't expecting to be as amazing as it was. Gotta give it up for fresh picked sage. I could eat that alone in melted butter and call it soup. Anyway, here goes the recipe.

(serves 2)
Whole Wheat Pasta With Sage Butter Sauce and Roasted Chicken

1 chicken breast
olive oil
balsamic vinegar
bread crumbs (although not entirely necessary)
salt & pep
oregano
a healthy but sensible quantity of whole wheat pasta
crumbled pecorino romano
handful of chopped fresh sage
2 tbsp butter
1/2 tbsp garlic powder
1 clove garlic, sliced paper thin
about a cup of haricot vert (cut in half)
1 c. water or chicken broth (I used water)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Marinate chicken in olive oil, balsamic -- doesn't have to be too much, just enough to moisten chicken --bread crumbs, oregano, salt and pep. Refrigerate 15-30 minutes.
Cut chicken in half and then lengthwise. Just make sure it's not too thick so it will cook through. Line baking pan wiht aluminum foil and place in oven. Roast about 30 mins or until cooked through. Be careful not to overcook.
Boil water and cook whole wheat pasta.
Sautee garlic until golden brown in olive oil and cook the haricot vert until they begin to brown.
Chop sage and add to 2 tbsp butter - melt in microwave or on stovetop.
Drain pasta and add pecorino. Add haricot vert, salt and pep, and garlic powder. Stir all together, keeping heat on low.
When chicken is finished roasting, let cool slightly and cut into small strips. Add to pot. Add chicken broth or water and raise heat. Cover until steaming and serve immediately.

Plane Trip

2009-06-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

We're taking our first plane trip with Clo on Wednesday. I have to say, I'm a bit nervous. We didn't want to spring for the extra $300 to buy her a ticket. She'll be on our lap unless there's an extra seat somewhere. I cannot even begin to think about what I need to pack. I just tried to write a list and only came up with 8 things, when I know there are probably about 800. The other thing is, we're staying in the apartment of a single man (he won't be there) so I'm not sure what condition it will be in. We're used to staying at a hotel, but now we might need sheets, will definitely need shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste? Who knows. I guess it will be better to err on the side of caution and just schlep everything. This is turning out not to be a vacation --it's so stressful.

We're going to Boulder, Colorado, where I've been going almost every year since I was three. I love it there. I should be excited and stressless, but I'm starting to feel like I can't wait until it's over. Here's my prayer. PLEASE just let everything be normal and let Clo be decent on the plane and let us have a good time.

album 06/07/09 (48 photos), by Andra Dallas

2009-06-08T10:26:00.001-07:00

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
http://www1.snapfish.com/fbshareredirect/p=38381244481949831/l=1065698012/g=90344470/redirectURL=share/otsi=SALBBL/AlbumID=631630012/a=90344470_90344470/usercomments=I_xqd%20like%20to%20share%20my%20Snapfish%20photos%20with%20you.%20Once%20you%20have%20checked%20out%20my%20photos%20you%20can%20order%20prints%20and%20upload%20your%20own%20photos%20to%20share./counttext=48%20photos/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish

Will she always need me?

2009-06-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

Clo really needs me now. Even at the tender age of almost 8 months, she looks at me with such loving adoration. I take her in the bed with me every morning (most mornings boo is at the gym) and we just have a ball. She is really beginning to know that I'm the mama.

I hope she always needs me. There will be a time in the not too distant future where she will need her dad more, her friends more, her teachers more, all more than me. I hope that she always comes back to me. I think about my own mom. I need her more than she realizes. We talk almost every day. When I was pregnant, she was away during the later months and I missed her so much. I wanted to show her my big belly and have her tell me it wasn't going to hurt even if she knew it would.

I promise I'll always be here for you, Clo. Whether you need me or not.

Bugaboo Strollers Recall!

2009-06-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Guess not following the crowd and getting an Uppa was a good thing.
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml09/09233.html

We felt like a normal couple

2009-06-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

I got home at 6 and had the nanny stay and spend some QT with Clo while I cooked. Yesterday marked 10 glorious years that Boo and I have been together. I cannot believe it has been that long. Anyway, say what you will about Racheal Ray, but the yumm-o queen did me proud. Her recipe for hazelnut crusted veal scallopini with tarragon butter sauce is the bomb. It did not disappoint Boo, who made me vow not to ever make it for any guests, ever, because it was "our" meal. I want to make it for an upcoming dinner party, but I'm not going to.

Clo went right to bed at about 8:30, the candles were lit, the wine was poured, and we had a great time. The dinner was delectable. We were going to go out and get a babysitter, but that would cost us so much money. It was nice just to be in the comfort of our adorable apartment and just hang out without the stress and pretenses of a restaurant. Cooking for me is cathartic, so I really enjoyed taking the time to do it. I've also gotten into the habit of really cleaning as I go (which was easy because the nanny was there) so that was no biggie either. Boo and I just got to enjoy each other and look back on 10 amazing years and talk about plans for our future.

Look who came to work with mama!

2009-05-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

Because I'm the mama...

2009-05-26T08:46:00.000-07:00

I realized during a 10 1/2 hour road trip (only to DC!!!), stuck in traffic, there are a lot of things that I do just because I'm the mama. When you're the mama, you'll do anything to keep the kid happy, especially while in the car for that long...

I took her out of the carseat many times. Not only because she's teething, cranky, not napping, etc., but because she's damn cute. She's way more fun to play with out of the carseat. When the traffic started moving again, I usually put her back in. Go ahead copper, pull me over. You shall feel the wrath of a 7 month old. I didn't even get much resistance from my folks about it. My dad actually encouraged it. Mom didn't like it but when Clo started to cry in the seat, she didn't mind me taking her out either. Especially because mom was in the back with me and she got to benefit from the cuteness. As soon as I took Clo out, the crying stopped and she was all like, "ha-ha, I wasn't really upset, you fools."

We were on a family trip, so there was a lot of well, family, who haven't met Clo yet. I kept her up until past 10. Two nights in a row. Uh-oh. I test the waters, don't I? Some might say that will ruin her sleep schedule. Not my kid. It actually made it better. She went right to bed last night without a fuss at exactly 8:12. She didn't even get to have her dinner. I had to take her out of her stroller (we were out in the park), take off her smelly shorts, and she still wouldn't wake up. I dumped her in her crib. Man, was she out. No fuss, no muss. She woke up regular time today too.

It was humorous this weekend. We were at a bat mitzvah and Clo just felt like she'd had enough and she passed out right in daddy's arms. For an hour. Poor guy. Everyone was dancing and having fun and Steve had to sit at the table with little Clo in his arms. I don't think he minded. He actually seemed quite content about it.

I really think that Steve and I have made her this versatile. As ya'll know, there's no schedule. No nap time. No sleep time. No food time. She just does what she does. Call this an experiment in anti-kidestablishment-tarianism. I don't really feel like we're doing anything wrong. This actually feels very right. When it starts to feel wrong, I guess I'll stop.

I'm not leaving...

2009-05-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

Steve and I are parents of one child and we live in Manhattan. What happens when one becomes two? There are literally no kids over, say, 12 in Tribeca, basically because people can't afford it so they have to move. I don't want to move. I have my life here, my friends, I'm close to my office and I can still walk there... there are a million reasons. Here's how my day went yesterday (keeping in mind that if I move to the burbs I'd basically have to come home and put Clo to bed).

I got out of work, went to not one but two sample sales in SoHo, got Clo, went for a long walk, met Steve and some friends and their baby for dinner and drinks outdoors. All that after 5:30 pm.

Clo and their kid are almost exactly the same age. His mom and I became friends when we were about 10 months pregnant. Clo was in a good mood, so we kept her up until 10:00. Their kid was up too. As long as they're not cranky, who cares? Some will say, 7:00 bed and that's it, or else it will mess the kid up. City parents just aren't like that. We have to be out with everyone else.

I'm afraid that if I move, I'll never do anything. I work. I won't have any time. I think that's what I'm scared of most about moving. I know we'll have more money, but I don't think I'll have any time to spend with the kid. Forget ever going out during the week anymore. Where would I go if I had like three restaurants and two bars in a town? I'd get so bored. Just on my street alone, spanning from my apartment to Canal, there are about 20 different restaurants, shops, bars, markets. How can I give this up for a car and a bunch of grocery bags? I'm just not ready yet, and that's it.

BYEEEEEEE CLO

2009-05-19T07:12:00.000-07:00

We went on a little 4-day vacation. I was so sad to leave her, but even sadder when I heard that she didn't care I was gone. She had such a blast with my parents. They took her to the park, the zoo, gave her their full attention! My brother couldn't keep away from her. I wonder how they know how to take care of her so well... maybe because they raised me and J? We turned out okay, I guess.

My mom did tell me that when she came home form work all Clo was wearing was a jacket and pants -- no shirt!! That reminds me of a time when I was about 4 and my dad took me to the supermarket in Boulder without any pants on, just my underwear. I was so embarrassed. Really, he should have known better but I think he blamed it on me. Wonder if he blamed Clo for forgetting her shirt?? :)

Sneaky Bean!

2009-04-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

Baby Hogger

2009-04-24T12:05:00.000-07:00

Like I said, I'm such a baby hogger. I really have a problem with other people holding the kid. I'm not one of those people who never let Clo go to anyone, and believe me, she will go to anyone, but when I only get to see her on the weekends, I can't bear to let her go for a minute. I don't even like to put her in her stroller when we go out. I hold her. That might end soon because she's over 18 pounds already. Good for my muscles, I guess.

This past weekend, she was wearing this gorgeous little dress and it broke my heart to see her looking like a little girl already. She's definitely not the little lumpy thing she was just a couple of months ago. She's got real spunk now! I was so proud of how beautiful she looked, I paraded her around like a little circus clown.

I also happen to think she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, except for one little girl I met named G. Other than Miss G, Clo is the prettiest. She certainly does have the best personality I've ever seen on a little baby, and that will get her pretty far in life.

All Work Means No Play

2009-04-13T10:01:00.001-07:00

I like working, I really do. I busted my a$$ for many years, getting 2 degrees which were not easy to come by for me. But this morning, I was ready early and I sat for half an hour with the bean on my lap, just hanging out, watching the Today show. I can't explain it, but it was special. She's making the transition from weird little writhing alien thing to real little adorable baby. She's all chubby and cute now and all I want to do is stare at her and play with her all day.

Last night, I couldn't put her to bed. She's uber cute at around 8:30 pm, as if she knows it's bedtime. Poor Steve. I am such a baby hogger. I can't stand being around other people who want to hold her and play with her. I don't even like to put her in the stroller anymore. When we go out to dinner, I carry her and parade her around the neighborhood like a little circus animal. It's pathetic. Oh, what's a new mom to do???

Do What You Want

2009-04-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

http://warner.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/02/why-i-dumped-the-pump/#more-291
This article (or better yet, the comments) sums it up. Do what is best for you. If you don't want to pump at work, don't. I would have had the benefit of pumping in my very own office, rather than a "lactation room," and I opted not to do it. As most of you know, up until I had the baby, I was not even going to breastfeed. I, like so many others, forced myself to do it because I thought it was the right thing to do. That's not to say I entirely hated it every time. There's something to be said about that first time, or about the quiet times alone in your apartment when it's just you and your baby. That said, in hindsight, I might not have done it. I don't think it's necessary for anyone who doesn't want to do it. Formula has come such a long way since the days of glucose and water..

I disagree that when you have a baby, it should be all about the baby. That attitude could get you a failed marriage and might cause you to lose yourself in the mix. I think if you do opt to breastfeed, I would almost encourage pumping (although, I too, absolutely despised it) so that your spouse can experience feeding the baby as well. It will also take some of the responsibility off of you, so that you don't always have to wake up in the middle of the night.

Some may interpret the comments after the article above as seeming like the women opted not to breastfeed simply because it wasn't convenient for them. I don't believe that's what they were getting at. True, it is totally inconvenient, but not in the way that would suggest you weren't breastfeeding because you'd rather spend hours away from your baby. I don't breastfeed but I still want to spend every minute with my baby. On nights when my husband isn't home, I have actually considered waking her up at 11 pm just because I am still awake and I want someone to play with. I've curbed my workouts to only take one hour, rather than dragging them out. Then I'd never get to see Clo on the weekends. I have made other changes in my life to enable me to maximize my Clo time. I'm a great mom. To all those who suggest women who don't breastfeed are doing something wrong, eff you.

I applaud those who adopt, either because they have to or want to, and have always considered it myself. But you can't breastfeed then. You may not have had the opportunity to give life, but you will certainly be able to give a child a life. It's not just about b-feeding. It's about raising a child.

I honestly believe formula is perfectly healthy, and a fine substitute. Breastfeeding hurts and you know what, it is damn inconvenient, especially when you have to go back to work. When you go back to work you're expected to work. Pumping can take up to an hour at a time. If you're doing it two or three times a day at work, especially if you're not in your own office... you do the math. Bottom line, as I've said one hundred million times, do what's best for you.

Propaganda

2009-04-03T07:50:00.001-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090403/ap_on_he_me/baby_formula_perchlorate
I'm sure that the info that went into writing this article was posted by those nasty "la leche" people.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

2009-03-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

C-lo just keeps getting cuter. Tonight, we went out to dinner with a friend and didn't get home until after 9. Apparently, there's this period of time after babies get tired called the super-cute I don't wanna go to bed-overtired. She was laughing up a storm when we got home. It's getting increasingly hard to put her to bed when she's like this. I just wanted to play with her all night.

I've STILL got it

2009-03-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went out with the Tribeca Moms to an event. A few of us broke off from the group and went to Smith and Mills, a very small bar on North Moore Street. As we walk in, who is standing there but one of the most famous movie stars out right now, Clive Owens. My friend Pam went over to talk to him and he told her to bring me over. She asked him if he was cool or if he was a jerk. He said he was cool! Duh, why would he say otherwise? Stupid, starstruck me said, “We’re trying to figure out how many movies you’ve been in.” He replied, “I can’t even remember.” We were talking for a while and his friend (who apparently was in the Harry Potter movies but I don’t know who he is) said to him, “Dude, she’s married!!!” It was pretty hilarious. He patted me on the shoulder when he left. Anyway, I decided that he wasn’t that interesting. And, he kind of had bad skin.

I wasn't a happy beefeeder...

2009-03-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

...but I did it for as long as I could bear. Really, (and I do mean really) I didn't like it, and I felt guilty about that. I had a very easy time with it too, until I had to stop, which is a whole other painful story. I hear horror stories of women who get mastitis, cracking, chapping, the whole nine. Why endure all that? This article makes me feel better. It is amazing how one movement makes everyone jump on a bandwagon, and then in an instant people can realize that maybe the bandwagon wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

I'm SURE that there are health benefits to beefeeding. Just as I'm SURE there are health benefits to formula feeding. You know what? Just like C-lo, I was not breastfed for very long. I excelled in many areas in school and went on to kick butt in college and then become a lawyer. I was never very sick as a child. Oh, and since I started formula feeding C-lo (which I admit, may be a total coincidence) C-lo sleeps better, is more satiated, and is generally happier. Some of my friends who still beefeed tell me that their kids still won't sleep through the night.

Alls I'm saying, do what's right for you. If you have to go back to work, only pump if that's what you want and if you feel comfortable with it. I was not, so I didn't. Sometimes I do things I don't want to do, but that was where I drew the line. If I really believed that beefeeding was going to be better for C-lo, I would have continued with it. Promise. It just wasn't that important to me.

Hormonal Woes

2009-03-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

I am not one of those people with a slow metabolism, until now. Hopefully, it's just hormones.

I was one of those lucky girls who was the exact same weight I was before the pregnancy within about 2 days of having C-lo. I had only gained about 20 pounds during the entire pregnancy. I was the envy of the mommy group. Since I stopped bfeeding though, I've gained weight. Nothing drastic, but it's noticable in the clothes. In retrospect, I'd rather be one of those people who proudly got all the weight off and kept it off after 3-4 months, like Jessica Alba. Since I got all the weight off right away, now I'm going backwards. When you bfeed, you can burn up to 500 calories a day. Upon stopping, there was no way for me to burn the calories I was consuming, and I was consuming calories like a monster. After stopping bfeeding, I started drinking wine every night, just because I could. More calories. So, then I found myself consuming more calories than I was before. I'm going to the gym allllllll the time (more than is reasonably necessary for a brand new mom) but it doesn't make up for those bfeeding calories I was burning. I've decided that I am cutting out wine during the week. And maybe dessert. Let's see what happens.

Best video since Thriller and Take on Me!

2009-03-09T11:42:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l06M-dsQf3Q

CHLOEEEEEEEEEEE

2009-03-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

I love when people tell me that they're upset I haven't posted in a while. It's so sweet that ya'll care. I never really know when stuff is really cool to me or when it will be cool to the masses. For example, I called Chanel up the other day to let her know that C-lo has her first beauty mark. It's so cute. Right on her upper thigh, but as dad said, "Chloe, we're the only ones who will ever see that." I also emailed Chanel yesterday to tell her that our friend's kid Ryan picked up her toy phone and said CHLOE into it. She's 1. Kids have this amazing way to communicate with each other, huh. Funny, I never think that Chloe and Ryan are interested in each other when we're together but they always seem to remember each other. Ryan is the baby that we spend the most time with so it makes sense. I wonder who Chloe will end up staying friends with out of all the kids. I grew up with so many kids and I'm not really friends with any of them (except on the book!)

Most shallow post EVER

2009-02-26T08:06:00.000-08:00

So, now we're back to waking up at 4:30 am. I promise, this kid knows no habits. The ped says, "she wakes up early out of habit." Not true. She's all over the place. And now she really is on a schedule during the day, so I don't really understand why some nights she sleeps straight through and some nights she doesn't. Oh well. You all don't really care. :)

She's really adorable which is really all that matters.

My mom used to say to me, "you have to be pretty on the inside as well as on the outside." I don't care what anyone says, life is definitely easier if you're at least halfway decent looking on the outside. Quite a number of years ago, I landed an important job with an almost complete case of laryngitis. I could barely eek a word out. I remember calling my dad before the interview and asking him in a whisper if I should still go. His response was, of course you should, they'll be more impressed that way. But I couldn't talk. It's incredible that they hired me just because of a fancy resume, cute face, and expensive Theory suit. They shouldn't have, which they found out later when I didn't know what I was doing, but that's another story. Lesson be learned, all ye employers trying to dig people out of the recession. Never hire someone with laryngitis.

Sleep...The neverending battle

2009-02-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

I'm spoiled. C-lo does sleep now. It's those nights when she doesn't, (or I don't for some reason or another), which make life so much more difficult. Last night, her adorable cooing woke me up at 2 am. I couldn't go back to sleep after that. She did, and so did daddy. At 4, she started fussing and kvetching. She's teething, so she's really going to town on her little fist. She pretty much sticks the whole thing in her mouth now. It's amusing to watch. Daddy just had to check on her, thinking, "what if she was eating something else?" In the words of Seth Meyers, "really?" What else could she have been eating? There's absolutely nothing in her crib besides her. The night before was even better. She turned over for the first time and that really pissed her off. Daddy just had to get up and turn her back around. That made her even angrier, rather, made her realize that someone was there to help her. Word to dads everywhere...DON'T TOUCH THE BABY!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

So, most of you know I went back to work about a month ago, which has been great. I like it a lot. The hard part has been knowing that my daughter is growing up basically in someone else's care, and it's going to be like that for... (well, forever). I think that I should get a smile when I get home from C-lo, which most of the time I do. Problem is, she gives the same gigantic smile to everyone, including the Pita Grill delivery guy when Steve isn't home (no, not in that way). Do I attribute this to the nanny? No, probably not. But, of course I feel like it should be me with her all day, although I know that's impossible. So here I am wanting her to really be happy to see me when I get home, but now I think she doesn't even know or care that it's me. When I'm away at my parents for the weekend, she's equally as happy or unhappy for everyone, which my dad loves, by the way. I'm sure the outstretched "I want my mommy" arms are coming soon, but I'm getting impatient!!! Anyway, S and I have just enjoyed a very, very, very, very, long night of eating out with a sleeping C-lo and playing Wii for hours. So I can't really complain about anything.

Ah...the joys of post-partum

2009-02-11T13:50:00.000-08:00

I just looked down at my black office chair and noticed that it's carpeted with blond hair. Cool. I looked on the whattoexpect website and it said that I can expect this to go on until C-lo is a year old. What the hell? I won't be so cute if I go bald.

Query

2009-02-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

Is it okay for an employee to say to an employer, "I used to smoke splifs back in Trinny but I started seeing things so I stopped."

I don't think that's one I'll be trying with my boss.

Chloe, this was the before.

2009-02-05T10:27:00.001-08:00

2009-02-04T07:19:00.000-08:00

This was C-lo's best night yet. Nothing until 7am. It's all a crap shoot though. She was hungry before she went to bed and drank her whole bottle. Sometimes she passes out on the bottle and then I just have to put her to sleep. Inevitably, she'll wake up at around 5am on those nights. People say they always change. It's the truth, however I thought she'd change and then stay the same for at least a day or two. Not C-lo. She changes and keeps changing every day. She is damn cute though. This morning, Steve went to the gym and she rolled around in the bed while I hung out with her, watching the Today show. It was so much fun.

I keep making sure I spend as much time with her as possible. I don't know whether she's developing memories yet, but I want her to recognize me as her mom (and Steve as her dad), so we have to do extra stuff to make sure that happens. I'm pretty sure the nanny isn't being all cuddly with her. I definitely hope she's not rolling around in my bed with her. That would be weird.

It does seem to be working out nicely though, with the nanny. She thinks I'm a hot mama, so that's always a good thing (not in a girl/girl way, as she puts it). I like this woman so much that I'm afraid to lose her. I am already thinking about how I'll keep her when C-lo starts going to preschool. I know, I know, I'm jumping the gun. I'm also being unrealistic to think that I'll be able to afford preschool and the nanny! UGH, this town is so expensive.

I LOVE THIS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-02T08:02:00.001-08:00

It's working

2009-01-30T11:55:00.001-08:00

Two nights in a row, not a peep until 6:00 am (unless we're just too tired to hear)! Houston, I think the Dallas' may have done it. Stay tuned. Hopefully, next week's sleepovers at the grandparents won't mess up our MoJo.

Sleep training?

2009-01-27T06:30:00.001-08:00

Last night, C-lo was sleeping peacefully. She was happily making the rounds in her crib -- she starts on one side and wakes up facing in the other direction -- unfortunately, sometimes she gets stuck in the horizontal position. Her head and feet touch either side of the crib if she is lying that way. Last night was such a night. Every night seems to be such a night these days. We've been managing to successfully sleep train her where she will barely wake up anymore. If she does, she'll cry for a few minutes and go back to bed. The whole point is that she can't know we're willing, able, and ready to tend to her. Steve felt so bad that she was wedged in her position that he picked her up and placed her back in her crib vertically. That was when the floodgates opened up. She knew we were there and she realized that we had the ability to give her the bottle. This was at 3:30. From then on, she was stop and go until about 5:30, when Steve finally fed her. Her normal feeding time is 6:30-7. To my horror, now I think she's going to be all screwed up. She'll never sleep, never, never, never... I think we might be back at sleep training square one.

I'm BACK

2009-01-22T13:00:00.000-08:00

I started back at work this week. Leaving Chloe in the morning is so sad. I promise you, she has a look on her face like, "yo, where are you guys going?" The good news is that I can go to the gym during lunch time so I can usually get home pretty quickly after work. The bad news is that when I get home from work, it's Chloe's cranky time. I can't win. I now believe that she likes everyone better than me, including dad. She wouldn't even look at me this morning. As I was changing her diaper, she was looking at dad. Is it possible that she's mad at me? She seems to be aware of her emotions already.

Heaven

2009-01-15T10:58:00.000-08:00

I am no longer embarrased that I know every word to Heaven by Warrant. Although my voice isn't great, Chloe falls asleep by the time I sing "I don't need to be a superman."

Got a picture of your house
And you're standing by the door
It's black and white and faded
And it's looking pretty worn
See the factory that I worked Silhouetted in the back (C'mon, who thought he always said "sweated?")
The memories are grey but man they're really coming back
I don't need to be the king of the world
As long as I'm the hero of this little girl
Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it every day
No matter what your friends might say
How I love the way you move
And the sparkle in your eyes
There's a color deep inside them Like a blue suburban sky
When I come home late at night
And your in bed asleep I wrap my arms around you
So I can feel you breathe
I don't need to be a superman
As long as you will always be my biggest fan
CHORUSHeaven isn't too far away
Closer to it every day
No matter what you friends might say
We'll find a way
Now the lights are going out
Along the boulevard
The memories come rushing back
And it makes it pretty hard
I've got nowhere left to go
And no one really caresI don't know what to do
But I'm never giving up on youCHORUS

New People

2009-01-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

So...Michelle started this week. So far, so good. Consistent with what I've read/heard, she's better with the kid than I am. She gives C-lo a bath, and she comes out cleaner than when I do it. How Michelle manages to get rid of the neck cheese (I know, gross) is beyond me. Now C-lo smells like Buy Buy Baby instead of poop, spit up, and formula. For anyone who didn't know, they pump "new baby smell" into that store. Kind of like the "new car smell" they pump into the dealerships to make you spend more $$$. As for me, whenever I go to Bikram or the gym, I swear I smell the poop, spit up, and formula seeping out through my pores. Maybe I should have Michelle wash me. She also sings, reads, and plays better than me. As great as she seems, I'm sad that C-lo is spending all this time with a complete stranger. My father in-law suggests we go and comb her neighborhood, talking to the neighbors, staking out her digs. That's going a little far. Besides, that won't make her any less of a stranger. Oh well. She won't be a stranger for long.

Time Has Flown!

2009-01-07T13:18:00.000-08:00

It's been three months since Bean was born. Here I am folding her teeny weeny clothes (the ones that fit her for five minutes) and deciding which ones I can part with and which need to stay. For sure, the Petit Bateau onesies must stay with me for posterity. And then there's that hat she came home from the hospital with -- which still has gook on it... ew... What to do with all this stuff? It's so hard to part with the clothes she's grown out of. My best friend is having a girl in a few months, but the problem is, I've learned that people don't really want your crap. I seriously did not need another stitch of newborn clothing, other than what I already had. There are tags on some of these clothes! I for one, don't have enough room for anything in my house. My friend does, but I still don't think she wants anything of Chloe's, even if it's new. I only say that because I really didn't. I'm very particular. If we have something going on that day, I pick out Chloe's clothes each day beginning at her 4 am feeding. I literally picture what she's going to wear in my head. For the most part, she's only worn the clothes that I've bought her. Call me crazy, but I already think she looks "fat" in some of her dresses. Even though they fit her, I won't put her in them. Am I psycho or what? I won't tell her this, ever. Hopefully, she'll never read this post. The last thing I need is a daughter as crazy as her mom.

Must go now... sleep training is obviously not working for her. Ahhh... topic for another post.

Heartbreaking

2008-12-20T18:38:00.000-08:00

C-lo has a cold. It started out as a little cough and now it's a full blown cold. It's the most heartbreaking thing you've ever seen. She can't even blow her nose. I shouldn't, but I blame myself. Is it the once per day switch to formula? Was it the toddlers I went to the zoo with Monday? Was it taking her outside for a five mile run on Thursday? The truth is, I can't keep her inside all day. If I stay inside, I'll go stir crazy.

Poor thing. Her cough is so sad, but it's kind of cute in a pathetic little way. I feel so helpless -- I wish there was something I can do for her. Last night, she couldn't sleep (and she's basically been sleeping through the night). I brought her into the bed at around 4 a.m. and put her on her side. She finally fell asleep, but I couldn't sleep because I have a fear of rolling over and suffocating her. I know she just has to ride it out, but why can't they make baby sudafed or something? I probably wouldn't give it to her anyway, but you know...

Don't read this if you're going to get mad at me. Breastfeeding v. Formula, and the winner is...

2008-12-17T19:35:00.000-08:00

Ding ding ding! Formula beat out the breast in the first round. The munchkin didn't even know the difference. When my pediatrician told me today that she gave up pumping at work after the first week, I figured that I should be free of any guilt or negative non-breastfeeding demons. I probably won't have to go to the hell for moms that formula feed when I die now either. I strictly breastfed for 2 straight months. I didn't even cheat once. For the past three days, I've sucessfully begun the weaning process without a hitch. That means I've substituted one feeding a day for a formula feeding. It's going quite well. Next week, I'll go 2 for 2, and so on. According to my angel of a pediatrician, I will most likely still be able to keep up the morning and night breast feedings, even though I'm not pumping during the day.

Anyway, the other day I was about to write about breastfeeding v. formula again. Here's what I would have said. I got out the sterilizer and was about to cook up the bottle when I heard Chloe crying for her mama. I opened up the can of formula and, not realizing that there was a scooper hidden inside like a cracker jack prize, I called on a mommy friend to help me figure out the measurements. She told me to dig around a bit and I'll find the scooper. Duh! I found the scooper but Chloe's hungry cries reached that certain decibel that they can hear down the hall and I didn't have the heart to give her some nasty synthetic powder crap. That was day 1. Day 2 was much of the same. Day 3, my friend Maria came over and we had a glass of wine. Then another. I figured it was as good a time as any NOT to put Chloe on the breast. The wine helped me ease the guilt of feeding Chloe nasty powder, while at the same time I knew that it was probably making its way to my breast milk. So, maybe all in all not a good reason to start C-lo on the fake stuff, but highly necessary for beginning the weaning process and going back to work.

Sad but true...

2008-12-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

I'm going back to work in a few weeks. I have been searching for nannies and there have been exactly two that I would even consider. One of those two thinks the $600 per week I offered her is not enough and the other one has yet to call me back. Not a good sign. I think day care is still a viable option, but it's not ideal. They can only do 8:30 - 5:30 on two days and 8:30 - 3:30 the other three. Provided work is okay with that situation, I am basically tied to the day care and the pick-ups. Hopefully, Steve will take care of the drop-offs. UGH, pick-up and drop-offs...it all sounds so horrible. Chloe is not a mail parcel. I hate the idea of leaving her at a germ infested place every day with tons of other kids (even though they do keep them quite separate). Then again, the thought of a total stranger coming into my home every day is not the best thing either. I wish my mom would retire and trek to the city every day. That would be great. Too bad she's not that kind of mom!

All my plans, shattered by mom-proof stroller

2008-12-04T11:27:00.000-08:00

For the past two days, I've been neighborhood-locked. I left the bjorn upstate at my in-laws by accident so I have to use the stroller. I can't wait until I can put Chloe in one of those light weight, almost rickety looking ones. I had plans to visit a friend in the Flatiron District who is 9 months pregnant. Without the bjorn, I have to take the bassinet off the stroller frame, and attach the car seat so I can take a cab. After several bold attempts to do this without the owners manual, I figured that I should at least take a look. Turns out to be no assistance. Being a mom is hard enough. I guess they make this stuff so technical so the dads feel important. Steve is a whiz at all of it!

Ease up on the pie, bean!

2008-12-02T16:05:00.000-08:00

All of a sudden, bean is getting the buddah belly! It's so adorable. I hope that she gets those big fat thighs soon that you can just munch on. She was the life of the party this weekend, when she wanted to be. For the most part, when there were people around she'd be comatose. The minute things calmed down, she'd wake up and be all smiles. At seven weeks, Chloe has really hit a turning point. There is nothing more rewarding than walking into a room and getting a huge smile from the one person who you're singlehandedly keeping alive. It's nice to have some recognition around here!

As far as all the other progressions, sleep is going well. So is pooping, eating, etc. No matter how tight I swaddle the bean, she has been managing to get out of it. It's hilarious to see this rogue arm popping out of the top at 3:00 am, and then at about 7:00, there's the other one. With the arms popping out comes the sleep aerobics. Who knew that little babies writhe around like crazy, while totally asleep. Sometimes we just stand there laughing at the bean in the middle of the night. I'm sure that everyone's kid does this, but it's not something you'd ever understand unless you experienced it firsthand.

I've been keeping very active though, which means Bean might be a little cooped up in her stroller or the bjorn all day. That might be why she's so active while she's sleeping. I have all these mystery friends, as Steve calls them. In addition to some of the really great women I've met in my mommies group, I talk to strangers now. I went up to a pretty mommy today with a tripped out bugaboo. Her baby was wearing this incredible fur outfit. I talk about all these new people and Steve has no idea who they are. I've never had this much in common with people, and it's so easy to compare notes with other new moms.

Find me another newborn with all this hair!

2008-11-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

Where's the us time?

2008-11-24T20:02:00.000-08:00

It's 11. We should be snuggling in bed, but Steve is walking around the apartment with Bean, and I'm sitting here at the computer. 6 weeks ago, I'd be settling in for my 11:00 Seinfeld fix but if I do that, I'll just fall asleep somewhere in the middle only to wake up for a 12:00 feeding. Sleep has become a bit of a tease, until the three of us actually get there.

I must say, that Chloe does sleep. We're pretty lucky in that sense. For the past few nights, she really has been "sleeping through the night," as they say. She'll go to sleep anywhere between 10 and 12 and wake up at 7. That's unheard of for an infant. We're still not at the point where she's sleeping 12 hours, but we're getting there. I wish she had a rewind button. She really is sleeping for a good part of the day, waking up here and there from noon until five. I need to get her to nap. Remember my rant about not scheduling? I take it back. Some semblance of order around here would be nice.

What they don't teach you in birthing class...

2008-11-15T05:29:00.000-08:00

Having a kid is beautiful. The means you have to go through (except the obvious initial "thrust") are not beautiful.
Labor, no matter how you slice it, is more pain than any human should have to endure. Men have it really good. The pain is enough to make you see the light and think you're moving towards it. I lost faith many times.
Having the baby is half the battle. My back hurts, and I still have a whole host of other issues too gross to blog about. It's been 5 1/2 weeks.
Maternity leave is slightly boring, somewhat unrewarding, and quite difficult.
I have LOTS of channels, but daytime television sucks.
Don't expect to get much done.
When the baby starts smiling, it warms your heart.
The first shot is traumatic. I cried.
Going out to lunch with mommy friends is fun, but expect to talk to your baby more than your mommy friend.
Your baby will join you and your husband for dinner most nights.
You CAN breastfeed and do just about anything. Chloe just finished a minute ago. You will become an expert multi-tasker.
Sometimes you will feel something weird in your stomach and think you're still pregnant.
Babies pass out in a drunk-like stupor after eating. Don't be fooled. They're not really sleeping.
Nursing does not cure all woes.
Neither does the pacifier or changing. Bouncing is usually a cure-all.
Babies hiccup all the time.
What works for your friend's baby, probably won't work for yours.
However, Dr. Karp is a genius.
Sometimes, you really do have to just let 'em cry.

I just graduated

2008-11-13T09:52:00.000-08:00

Everyone warned me. I didn't believe them. Lo and behold, I just got the famous "up the back poop." Although this was more like up the back, on the floor, all over the clothes, all over everything poop.

I was multi-tasking as usual, checking my beeberry and holding the bean. Upon reading the news that a cousin passed away this morning from a rather quick battle with lung cancer, I felt warm drips on my foot. I looked on the floor and saw a little yellow puddle. There were more nasty yellow smudges on Chloe's favorite outfit. I couldn't help but think of the juxtaposition of this little helpless child and my helpless cousin. That made me cry more than the fact of his death itself. I hope she never has to suffer that way.

She just pooped again. I'm going to let this one fester for a few minutes.

Today I think I found gold

2008-11-12T15:34:00.000-08:00

Every day I discover something new that Chloe likes. This would be great, but that thing she liked yesterday, she doesn't like today anymore, and so on. She seems really content on this gym thing though. It might last at least a week.

They Didn't Tell Me it Would Be This Much FUN!

2008-11-10T13:49:00.000-08:00

Breastfeeding

2008-11-07T17:07:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone who thinks that breastfeeding is an amazing bonding experience between you and your child. Okay, Okay, I'm still doing it because I know how good it is for the Bean. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. Here are some of my issues with it.

I'm hungry all the time. I ate an entire box of wheat thins between yesterday and today. Thin my a$$. There are 9 servings in the box. 16 crackers per serving. I have eaten 144 wheat thins in two days. Hmm. It actually doesn't sound that bad when put that way.

I haven't yet, but I'm afraid I'm going to start resenting Chloe if I keep at this. I feel like I'm so tied to her needs and I feel like a bad mother if I don't give her what she wants. And don't even get me started on the pump. I hate the pump. Gives new meaning to feeling like a cow. If you've never done it before, imagine putting a suction cup on your boob and being connected to a machine. The pumping will vary in intensity. There is a knob you control but then the intensity decreases by itself after a few minutes. I promise you, the machine talks. At super high intensity it says, "sexy." At regular intensity it says "that's it." At low intensity it says "nipple." Promise I'm not making this up. If you have the Medela Advanced pump, listen to it.

I got into the habit of feeding Chloe at every cry, just to quiet her down. I know this isn't ideal, and I'm suffering because of that. I've begun to try other methods, thanks to Dr. Karp and his video, Happiest Baby on the Block. I didn't think it would work, but I'm trying them (in lieu of an impromptu feeding that is on the heels of the last one) and they are working. GET THE VIDEO if you haven't already. It's something just short of magic. Just because a baby is crying doesn't necessarily mean she is hungry. I'm hoping that if I keep remembering this, Chloe's feedings will be more regular and then I won't be so miserable about the feedings.

New Kid on the Block

2008-11-03T12:35:00.000-08:00

Chloe is changing right before my eyes. Week four, and she doesn't loaf around all day like a lump. She is beginning to need constant attention. She voices her opinion. When she doesn't like something, she definitely lets me know. She is more alert these days, which is pretty damn cool. It means I have less time to do the things I need to do, like clean up after myself when I eat lunch, or send out 7 billion thank-you cards, or address the envelopes for the birth announcements. I was planning to do them in calligraphy. That might not happen now.

Last night, Chloe had a major meltdown. She cried for 3 hours. She would stop intermittently and then start right back up again. My in-laws were here, who I love to pieces, but they kept asking me what was wrong with her. I have no answers. I wish I could figure it out. That's probably the wish of every parent. Maybe nothing is wrong with her though. Maybe she's just confused about her environment, or going through some changes. I don't know. I know one thing though, she's dammmmmmmmn cute and I'm gonna keep her.

Hallo-WHAT?

2008-10-31T14:53:00.001-07:00

Two boys just came to my door. Must have been about 13. They were creepy, but neither was really wearing a costume. One was particularly greasy, but I'm sure it had nothing to do with Halloween. He was holding a painted cardboard box with a Y and a T on it. I asked him what he was supposed to be and he said "I'm Yogurt-Tofu man!" Uh, okay. He must have had an unfortunate run-in with a vegetarian or something. The other kid was holding a piece of schoolwork and he said, "I'm just an ordinary student." The two freaky boys grab fistfuls of candy and lurked in my doorway, not moving. I had to shut the door on them. As I was doing that Yogurt-Tofu man said in a deadpan voice, "That's a really cute baby."

Ew. Get away. I hope to never see these kids again. Ever.

I'm too sexy for my bath

2008-10-30T08:53:00.001-07:00

That's What I Get

2008-10-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

In my hood, there is a Whole Foods and a Food Emporium. Whole Foods = super convenient (right across the street), clean, helpful and nice staff, healthy, not always practical, and overpriced. Food Emporium = DIRTY, rude, unhelpful, borderline mentally disabled staff, always out of stuff, usually practical, basically in the ghetto although still in Tribeca - go figure, and also overpriced. I cannot get most regular brands at Whole Foods, which means if I only go there all my paper goods are made from the materials that don't do what they're supposed to (absorb). I end up paying more for being environmentally conscientious (maybe). I say, if the crap doesn't do what you pay for it to do, it's not worth it to save a couple of...um...what are we saving?

I can pretty much do without the extravagant Whole Foods luxury shopping experience but what keeps me coming back is really the staff. Thousands of moms, businessmen, bankers, lawyers, go in and out of there every day, but the checkout girls remember me. They've been with me since the last days of pregnancy when I was hauling my belly around the aisles trying to find ways to occupy my time. I was on mat leave for a week sans Chloe.

In Food Emporium today, three significantly unbelievable things happened. While I was stocking up on Dreft, Bounty, Kleenex, Charmin, and other unspeakale non-organic brands, my basket started to fill up. I put some things in the compartment under Chloe's stroller. While doing that, a few things fell out of my basket, and then a few more. The MANAGER stood in front of me, waiting to get by, and WATCHED. Nice.

Thing two - I had a coupon for yet another non-organic delight, Honey Bunches of Oats. I never use coupons. I honestly believe they make you spend more because you buy things you wouldn't ordinarily want or need. Anyway, the coupon wasn't scanning because I had to buy an additional box of some other crap called "Just Bunches" that the store didn't carry. When I asked the girl at the checkout counter if I could use it anyway, she asked her superior. Her superior began to belittle her right in front of me, "Can't you read? You have to read. She can't use this coupon because she has to buy the other cereal too." With one eye on Chloe--another crappy part about Food Emporium is that Chloe's stroller won't fit past the checkout stand--I asked the women if I could just use the coupon anyway, explaining that they don't carry "Just Bunches." No answer. I was simply ignored. Kind of smirked at, really.

Thing three -this is the best, but I can't accredit this one to the esteemed staff at Food Emporium. This award goes to the lovely, equally as unfriendly clientele. In order to exit the store with the stroller, you have to use the customer service counter, which also doubles as an express checkout. This woman was slowly unpacking her cart and I was patiently letting her do it. Chloe was still napping and I wasn't in a rush. When she was finished, she just stood there, waiting for her groceries to be rung up. A few minutes had passed and she was clearly aware of my presence. I finally said "excuse me," all sweet-like. She had the nerve to reply, "Those are the words. That's all you needed to say." C'MON!!! Who talks like that to someone with a stroller?

"Bean" a mom

2008-10-25T07:46:00.000-07:00

They suck you in, man. I was just in Whole Foods and I had to resist the urge to buy Bean an organic $50 outfit with peapods all over it. It was so cute - kimono style shirt and hip-hop type pants. You can really go crazy buying crap that your kid is going to outgrow in a matter of weeks. It's like that all over my neighborhood. I live in Tribeca, aka Triburbia, aka Rich Folks Central. I don't know how we got in -- probably because we've had a connection to the nabe for over 10 years, and we basically clawed our way in. We're a far cry from being successful actors, models, moguls, etc. Steve and I are just hard working for the man fools. But we do live here, and I'm learning to adapt every day.

I haven't left the hood in two weeks (since Chloe Bean was born). This means no Baby Gap, no Buy Buy Baby, no Babies R Us. The most reasonable place to buy baby clothes is American Apparel, which should be boycotted right now anyway due to the corruptive management. I do admit, I bought leggings for mysef there yesterday. American Apparel doesn't have anything for newborns -- the smallest size is 3 months. Chloe is a big girl, but she's long and thin so she would swim in the 3 month size. AND, even American Apparel, the hipster cheapie store of 2005 has become the hipster trendy not so cheapie store of 2008. So, here I am, trying to find a pair of pants to fit Chloe who suprisingly after the tons of gifts only owns two pair, running in and out of stores named Babesta, Babylicious, Shoofly, Cappucine, Peanut Butter and Caviar (I'M NOT MAKING THIS ONE UP), and the ever popular Z Baby, coming out with nothing. It's not even the cost of these tiny little pieces of cloth, it's the sheer lack of justification. Where oh where is Target when you really need it?

Mom's Life

2008-10-21T16:30:00.000-07:00

So, now that I have made the transition from non-mom to full-fledged mom, here are some keen observations and burning questions:

-People think that just because you have a baby they have to talk to you. They peer into your stroller. HELLO!!! I don't know you. Get the F away from my baby.

-Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but this isn't that hard. I expected a lot worse. Chloe actually sleeps. Too much, maybe. I want to play. I know this will change soon and I should enjoy it, but then I'll have to go back to work!

-People always think they know what's best for you. Lay off. Every child is different. Chloe eats, poops, cries, and as far as I can tell makes it through the night breathing.

-My boobs will never be the same again.

-Am I a MILF?

-Everyone loves a baby, but no one wants to change them or hold them if they cry.

-Baby poop resembles fine mustard. Pass the Grey Poop On!

-Breastfeeding is way cooler than I thought it would be. Before I got pregnant, I was pretty adamant against it. It is the single best way to bond with your baby (and to alleviate your painful porn-star boobs).

-One glass of wine makes me tipsy. I've become a cheap date.

-My husband might look at me a bit differently, but not in a bad way. More like in greater admiration. When you go from becoming someone's wife to the mother of their child, amazing things happen to these men.

-I did not bond instantly with Chloe. No matter what anyone says, this doesn't happen. You're confused, scared, and still in a lot of pain. It sort of started off small and has gotten bigger and bigger every day. Don't worry, I'm 100% feeling the love now!

-The baby monitor is a strange apparatus. Ours has a camera. I feel like a spy. KGBaby! I'm not as crazy about it as Steve is. If she's crying I'll hear her. I live in a 700 square foot apartment.

Houston...We have a new Dallas!!!

2008-10-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

Chloe Liana Dallas, 8 lbs. 4 oz, 22 inches. Born October 12, 2008 to proud parents Steve and Andra!

Playa' baby

2008-10-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

Bean is such a tease... I've been getting fake contractions for 11 1/2 hours now. Yup, been up since 4 a.m. They aren't really consistent and range from about 15-20 minutes apart. They also might just be indigestion. Or gas. It's really anyone's guess at this point. They are the hurting kind, but not the bite a sock kind. Stay tuned...

In other news, look what Bean is wearing for Halloween! The poor kid.

The Baby Ain't Doin' Nothin'

2008-10-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

That's what my doctor just said. I go to the office elated, thinking maybe, just maybe this week she'll say I'm a little bit dilated. NO dice. So I leave dejected.

My womb must be really comfortable. I'm glad. Good for bean because I'm certainly not comfortable. Although I'm not even that big (20 lbs. gained so far) I can barely sit up straight. I definitely can't bend over. I'm never hungry and eating isn't fun anyway. Sleep? What's that? There's no sleep these days. Baby, come ON!!!

The things people will say to a pregnant chick...

2008-10-02T08:45:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how many comments you get walking down the streets of New York. You can be anyone, short, tall, fat, skinny, big, little... someone will say something to you.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Naturally, I'm feeling a teeny weeny bit sad because I'm now officially in my 30's (20-12, thank you!) My wonderfully amazing husband surprised me with tickets to Jersey Boys. The plan was to meet for a quick dinner and then go to the show. He got tied up at work and had to bail on dinner. Instead of getting a sandwich at Starbucks and feeling sorry for myself, I decided on a cup of chai and a bag of M&M's and figured I'd wait out the rain talking to strangers. This was pretty much fine, because as one stranger pointed out to me, "at least your husband has a job, he must not be in finance."

Another stranger decided to talk to me too. Here's what she said upon looking at my watermelon. Ready?

"I've had 13 abortions. I'm so depressed."

What the hell? Anyway, whether she had 13 abortions or not (and really, who does?)

The "IT" Girl

2008-09-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

I ran into a woman on the elevator who I went to high school with. I knew she looked familiar but I couldn't recall her name. I told her that I couldn't believe she remembered my name and she said, "C'mon, you were the IT girl in high school." I couldn't help but walk away satisfied and smiling, but so many thoughts were going through my head during the long walk up 5th avenue to my maternity massage appointment. (Just before you think I'm reallllly snooty, it was a shower gift, people!)

Was I terrible in high school? Was I mean? I don't think so. I never hurt one person maliciously, at least until college, but even that was to exact revenge on the girl. I never thought of myself as the most popular girl. In fact, there was a gaggle of girls who I tagged along with who wore better clothes, had straight hair -- mine was always wannabe straight with those awful ripples on the sides. I probably did have the most boyfriends, but they were always a little further left of center than the popular girls' boyfriends. I did not date the popular boys at all. I ususally dated the stoners. They were way more interesting.

I think a more accurate statement was that I strived to be the "IT" girl but I never really was. And it was that striving to be the "IT" girl that led to so many psychological issues later on.

Even if I was the "IT" girl, where do you go from there? This woman I ran into in the elevator was pretty. I remember her being pretty in high school too, but she didn't run with our crowd so perhaps she wasn't considered "cool" (g-d, these words!) by the people who "mattered." I made a joke when she told me I was the "IT" girl. I said, "now look at me, I'm all knocked up and disheveled," which I was. The way I said it had all the proper connotations behind it, meaning this woman was beautiful NOW, which is really what matters anyway. And I will be too soon, once I get acclimated to this mom thing, my skin clears up, and I get my a$$ back in the gym!!!

True or False?

2008-09-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

I hate to be the girl who cried labor. I've heard so many stories lately about women who went to the hospital thinking they were in labor when they were just constipated. I have thought I was in labor every day. I get a cramp, I think it's starting. The whole unknown aspect of everything is what makes this all so scary.

On another note, who is attending my keg party/sushi extravaganza in the hopsital???

Eating Ice Cream on Myshelf

2008-09-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

MMM... sleep

2008-09-19T13:38:00.000-07:00

I never knew it could be this good. I used to think about how long I had to wait until the next meal. Now all I can think about is how long I'll have to wait until the next sleep. This isn't any old kind of tired. This is the kind of tired that makes sleep feel soooooo good (and so bad to come out of!) I'm relishing these long bouts of slumber. I've never been here before and I probably never will be again. Steve's parents still wait up for us when we go to visit and we're out late. I think mine would too.

You know what's scary?

2008-09-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

It's the 25th anniversary of Cabbage Patch Kids. We are OLD.

Milestones

2008-09-15T11:55:00.001-07:00

You've reached new heights in your pregnancy when:

1) You cannot bend down to pick up a grape that fell on the floor. You slip off your sandal, pick it up with your toes and deposit it to the trashcan. Hey, at least I didn't EAT it.

2) You discover crust in your belly button and you question whether it's a remnant of your own umbilical cord from 32 years ago.

3) You think that your thighs hitting into your belly on the recumbent bike is the funniest thing since Seinfeld's marine biologist episode (which was the funniest 1/2 hour of TV EVER)

4) Rolaids for dessert are better than a sundae (which you know would just spark a need for more Rolaids)

5) 6, count them 6, trips to the bathroom during the night.

6) You literally salivate at the sight of a gaggle of girls eating a pile of sushi.

7) You sneer at the skinny women in the fashion district. Trust me, you never want to be 9 months pregnant during fashion week and have to work 4 blocks from Bryant Park. It's a nasty punishment that no woman should have to endure.

8) You compare pregnant bellies with every other pregnant woman you see.

9) When you go to a store, you genuinely want shop for your husband and impending newborn instead of yourself.

10) You stare at the photo of your husband on your desk and really wish (with real beliefs that it could possibly come true) that he should be going through this instead of you.

11) You marvel at your own gymnastic prowess that you use when putting on your underwear.

12) You drop the soap in the shower and actually try telepathy to pick it up.

Posting Comments

2008-09-15T11:47:00.000-07:00

A lot of people have asked how to post a comment. It's simple. Just click on comments at the end of my post. Under "choose identity, unclick Google/Blogger and click name/url instead. Type your name and then click publish comment.

Blech

2008-09-11T08:49:00.001-07:00

This morning I was complaining, complaining, complaining. One thing about me, I do not complain. Steve said, I know you're bothered right now, because you never complain. In fact, I have never been so bothered. I'm failing to see the light right now. I generally feel healthy, but I didn't anticipate how mentally debilitating the end would be.

I'm putting every ounce of energy I have right now into my new job, which leaves no energy for anything else. Yesterday, I fell asleep in yoga. I had no idea where I was when I woke up. We were in shavasana and the studio doorbell rang. Thank g-d it did, because I'd probably still be laying there.

I'm usually okay until about 4:00. Then I want to curl up into a ball on my couch and watch tv until bedtime. The strangest phenomenon, this tiredness. It's not a sleepy tired as much as it's a mentally draining tired, which is why I'm perfectly fine at work. Mentally, I know that work is not the place to be tired. I'm still of the mindset that once you succumb to something, it will overcome you. That's the position I've been trying to take this whole time.

Yet another video to make your day

2008-09-09T07:21:00.000-07:00

Check out this diva. I have watched this three times. She's 4.

I'm not a science experiment

2008-09-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

That's what I feel like. A big fat science project. I think a lot of preggos must feel that way. I am 35 weeks now and I wore my bikini the other day. What else am I supposed to do? Go out and buy a maternity bathing suit for $100? I would still look just as big, and besides, I just don't have money to throw away like that. Anyway, EVERYONE was staring at me, especially the kids. I am huge. Get over it. How do you think YOU got here?

On a more interesting, less self absorbed note, I got a pregnancy prediction from a hobo on the train. He was a singing hobo and he had a really nice voice. When they actually have a talent besides nodding and drooling and pretending they have AIDS I usually give them money or some food if I have it. Once I gave a guy a packet of oatmeal. I still wonder what he did with it to this day. I hope he was able to find some hot water somewhere. Or maybe he rolled it up and smoked it. Anyway, my singing hobo was so grateful for the money that he decided to give me a free tummy reading! He said I was going to have an 8 pound boy. Thanks, Dr. Hobo! Let's see if you're right. 5 weeks and counting...

Things I'd like to have in my pocket

2008-09-04T09:46:00.001-07:00

This is what's going to make it allllll worth it. Check this video out of Torrie's kid dancing.

Reciprocal nightmares

2008-09-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

We spent this weekend with babies. Well, two babies. It's so surreal to see these people that you've known for many years, some of whom you still think of as kids (I still think of myself as a kid most of the time) with real human beings that they're responsible for. In a few weeks, I'm going to have to dress someone, change someone, feed someone, figure out what they want all the time. I'm up for the challenge, but it seems like so much when you think about it. It's making me realize how much I appreciate my own parents.

I hope that bean reciprocates all we're about to do for it. I know you're not supposed to think that way. You're supposed to just do the parenting thing without an ounce of expecting anything in return. I don't, really. I do think about other parents though and I feel bad for them -- especially when I see kids on the street or kids turned into criminals on the news. For as long as I can remember I always thought, don't these people have parents who raised them, loved them, cared for them? In most cases, you'd think not. But in some of those cases, these are kids who just rebelled for whatever reason.

I did my share of horrible things in my life. I lied, I stole, I threw things. Only in the past few years am I starting to really appreciate my upbringing. I think some parents would have thrown me in boarding school, given me away, kicked me out. Mine didn't. They kind of just ignored me and figured I would come around, which I eventually did. If Bean gives me any grief, I probably deserve it. Hopefully, it will inherit the genes of my pretty darn near perfect husband.

Kickin'

2008-09-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

My cousin said that I was going to miss the kicks. In fact, everyone is telling me that. I'll let ya'll know. Right now I can't imagine missing them. Bean is super active. I don't think that this baby ever sleeps. It's at the point now where it's not feeling good anymore (although I'm still pretty excited that there's a life inside of me). Bean does this thing where it attaches its feet under my ribs and tries to lift them out of my body. It's the strangest sensation. Steve asked me what it feels like and I put my hands underneath his ribs. He didn't like it at all.

This is the end!?

2008-08-29T17:45:00.001-07:00

I am so close, yet so far away. Just when I feel like I couldn't get any bigger, every time I look in the mirror I'm expanding. It's still cute, but I'm approaching the cusp of where it won't be cute anymore. I keep telling myself, just hold out a little bit longer. It's almost here. October 12th still seems like lightyears away. I have a TON going on between now and then, which makes it seems even longer.

The hardest part is getting dressed right now. I still pretty much refuse to wear maternity clothes aside from the "cool" preggo jeans my friends have given me. That means I'm wearing my own flowy hippie dresses and some of my regular shirts stretched beyond belief. It's safe to say I'll never be wearing some of this stuff again.

On a positive note, I feel so much better than I did. I still get really tired towards the end of the day, but for the most part I feel good until about 6 or so. That seems to be my witching hour.

For the post part, I've been sleeping like the loch ness monster in the winter. It's great. And I don't even have one of those body pillows. I have my very warm, cuddly husband.

Ahh... the husband. He's been getting up early. To work out. At the GYM. My gym. My precious sanctuary of sweat. He looks better than he's ever looked in the 10 years that I've known him and I have to say, I am stone cold jealous. Ladies, you should be too.

The in-laws, the parents

2008-08-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to have this kid. Not only because I can't wait to hold this alien that has been swimming around inside of me for 9 months but I can't wait to see the interactions among all the relatives and this perfect, bouncing, baby. Steve and I just spent the weekend with his parents, who couldn't stop talking about the little (almost here) newcomer. Then, we stopped by my folks' place on the way home for dinner. My grandparents were also there. My grandmother is getting pretty frail, basically because of her arthritis, but she's so excited. So is my grandpa. My brother was trying to feel the kicks and my mom thought the crazy wave movement was hilarious.

I have to say, that I feel really proud that we're the first ones in the family to have a child. It just puts the icing on the cake of how special all of this is.

We're having some trouble with names, as I'm sure everyone does. Names are like tattoos (of which I have three). You're stuck with it your whole life. Parents must feel so awful if a child changes his or her name. I would be really upset. I have loved the name Chloe for about 15 years now. If bean is a girl, that's bean's name -- no questions asked. That's where the certainty ends though. We've got nothing in terms of middle names and we're not set on a boy's name. Boys names are so tough. Anything just a little avant garde is considered strange for a boy. For a girl, it seems like anything goes. There are so many names I love for boys but I could not see calling my child by that name. This is probably the toughest thing I've ever had to do. Way harder than deciding which tattoos to get.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

2008-08-20T10:44:00.001-07:00

I'm not a mama's girl, but is it normal to have this need to be with your mom when you're pregnant? Does anyone else feel this way? My parents have been away now for about two months and I've really started to miss them both recently. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm getting bigger and I'm about ready to spawn this thing, which by the way, I talk a big game but I have no idea what to do. I'm scared of everything. I think I'll be an incredible mother because of how much I adore children but I don't know the first thing about actually taking care of them. This is a true learn as you go type of job. There's no real training that you can take to prepare for what is going to happen. Every baby is different too, so any class you can take won't necessarily apply to your child.

What else am I scared of? I have these irrational fears that something will be wrong with my baby. I've seen the sonogram and everything looks perfect according to the tech, but I still think that it could be missing a limb. Or an organ? What if it can't breathe? What if it has some disease?

In a much more shallow way, I'm also kind of scared of how different things are going to be. I'm sick of hearing that a baby will change my life, but it's so true. Steve asked me if I'd come meet him for lunch every once in a while and I couldn't figure out how that would play out. I don't have a car, and even if I did, there won't be any parking. I don't even like taking the subway by myself. How will I ever do it with a baby and a stroller? True, I walk to Chelsea every day for work, which is where his office is too. But what if I have to breastfeed? What if bean is crying? What if it rains? What if it snows? There are so many what ifs.

I'm usually the type to roll with the punches, but these seem to be really big punches.

It's Happening

2008-08-18T07:08:00.000-07:00

Okay. It was real before, now it's really real. I'm having a baby. Countdown, about seven weeks. Seven weeks sounds a lot shorter than two months, doesn't it?

What solidified it for me was the birthing class Steve and I took this weekend. 7 hours, 2 days of baby. Call me naive, or ig'nant, but there were so many things I learned that I didn't know before. For instance, I was scared to get acupuncture to trigger labor because (duh) I thought that labor just started and boom, you were in it. Little did I know that there were real signs that let you know it was going to start, and then it starts gradually. You usually have plenty of time to prepare, pack, and get to the hospital. Now, I might actually try the acupuncture so I can make it to C&K's wedding.

I also didn't know that if you weren't at least three centimeters dilated, they sent you home from the hospital. That means, you have to be in labor for a good number of hours at home before you even go. That's what it's so important to practice the labor techniques at home because you're going to have to make yourself pretty darn comfortable while you're experiencing some intense contractions. Who knew that?

I guess there are still a lot of unpredictable things that could happen, but at least now I understand the norm. I was pretty way off before. I feel good now about knowing the norm and knowing how it may be deviated from. If you the standard you are measuring from is inaccurate, the deviations that do happen will seem that much worse.

I feel great

2008-08-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

I have to say, in spite of the hernia and the fatigue, I feel pretty good. I still feel guilty complaining. I know so many people who have had it very rough in their pregnancies. My cousin has been on bed rest -- twice. My friend in Laguna Beach could have DIED due to some freak complication. Me? I'm fine. I'm still going out (see above?). I'm still walking and doing yoga almost every day. I think most of it is a state of mind. Aside from some extreme cases that I mentioned above, pregnancy really is what you make of it. If you think you're going to be so tired that all you can do is flop around on the couch, you will. If you think that you're going to eat a pint of B&J a night, you will.

For the same reason, I've been thinking a lot about birth. I am pretty sure I can manage the pain -- I have three tattoos for crissakes! I know, I know, not the same thing. But we're doing all of these pain management techniques at yoga and I have to say, I'm not as far away from going au natural as I was in the beginning. Then again, in the beginning I was anti breastfeeding too. Now I can't imagine at least giving it the old college try. I'm still leaning towards the epi, but we shall see.

I can't believe how much pregnancy has changed me. I have felt myself morph into someone who is about to be responsible for another human life. I have so much confidence in my willingness and ability to be a mother it's almost surreal. My parents must have done something right with me.

Organic Frustration

2008-08-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

I've never been an environmentalist, but most of my friends are. I figured that since Whole Foods opened up about 100 feet away from my apartment, I'm having a kid and I want to live to see great-grandchildren, and it just seems cool (albeit a little ironic) to eat products from grass fed cows, I should give it all a try. I started to (consider) bringing my own bags to Whole Foods. I keep forgetting, but I promise I will. I've been spending a bit more money on organic fruit, dairy, and meat, although I don't entirely know what that means.

And now for the products. My friend told me that her daughter only wears organic diapers. I get it, really I do. She doesn't want chemicals to touch her baby's bottom. Then she told me that the diapers leak. I didn't pay much attention to this until I went to Whole Foods and bought their brand of paper towels and garbage bags. The paper towels wouldn't absorb a droplet of water and the garbage bags obviously don't absorb odor. For now, I'm sticking to Bounty the Quicker Picker Upper and Hefty Hefty Cinch Sack, complete with it's chemically enhanced odor absorber. Give me a call when the organic household products measure up to the quality of the food.

SLEEP...mmmmm

2008-08-11T08:41:00.001-07:00

I am not a tired girl. I've never been much of a napper. I got a haircut on Saturday and I was nodding off like a heroin addict during the blow dry. When I got home, all I wanted to do was collapse on the couch. I slept in a deep, drug-like sleep for a long while.

When I woke up, the apartment was clean! My cleaning lady is currently on a mysterious hiatus and Steve took it upon himself to clean the entire apartment. I slept through the the sweeping, the dusting, the laundry which had been piling up for three weeks, and even the vaccuming! It was all going on around me and I had no idea. I guess I should be in enjoying this now, because in 9 weeks, sleep will seem more luxurious than a long vacation.

Preggos SHOTS!!!

2008-08-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

My childhood bud, Torrie is an amazing photographer. She took a bazillion shots of me. Some of them are a bit too racy for the blog so I won't post them. If you'd like to check them out yourself, visit http://www.printroom.com/pro/tlmphotography

Scroll down to where it says "Andra Maternity." The password is "boo."

Enjoy!

Bean, big

2008-08-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

Every day I think it's not going to be any bigger and Bam! Pow! STTTTTTTTTTTTTTRETCH!!! I never thought my skin could turn so many gorgeous shades of purple. I mean, where on earth did tummy veins come from? Hmm... maybe I'm from Mars. Steve would agree. The funny thing is, I'm this little thing (not THAT little, but relatively speaking) who looks like she swallowed a watermelon.

Two exciting things.

One, I'm submitting shots to Fit Pregnancy. Someone in my mommy group knows someone who knows someone, etc. Keep a lookout in next month's issue.

Two, a friend who works at a very large ad agency told one of the Pampers execs about me. I'm meeting with her and some other Pampers people on Monday. I'm not sure of all the deets but they want to meet with "stylish moms" who are into cool baby gear. I told them I was a hippie at heart so I'm not sure if my idea of style is the same as everyone else's. My poor kid and all the tie dye he/she will have to endure. Just kidding. But I do have a soft spot for Boulder, Colorado, aka Hippetown, USA, and when I was a kid I remember how cute all the other hippie kids were in their tie dye. Keep on Truckin'!!!

Where be all my peeps?

2008-08-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

I want to feel loved. I want more comments. Everyone says they read the blog but no one leaves comments.

After this week, I have 9 more weeks! 9 more weeks! I am almost in the single digits. Man, is this starting to feel real. My folks already ordered the crib and Steve's parents ordered the stroller. What more do we need? Besides diapers, I guess. Nothing else will really fit in the apartment, so...

I really want to try and get by on the bare minimum for a while (although I know everyone will try and spoil this kid rotten). We just don't have room and I can't stand a cluttered apartment. Everyone is telling me that I don't know what to expect, and wait until I have the kid. Of course I don't know what to expect, but this is going to be our baby. We'll deal with him/her how we see fit.

All I know is how my parents raised me and my brother Jesse. We turned out okay, even though they used to leave us in our room and shut the door and let us cry. Is that child abuse? I think not. They also used to schlep us everywhere, anytime, no matter what. Not child abuse either, by my terms. Oh, and they definitely went on vacation. Sometimes they took us and sometimes they left us with grandma and grandpa. No abuse there. If my folks wanted to go out to eat and it was the middle of February, they bundled us up and off we went. There was no preset bedtimes. There was no "routine."

Why is routine so important anyway? I know, I know, I'll see when I have my own kid. All I can say to that is that I've never been one to do any kind of routine. Even my workouts are not routine. I exercise every day, but I try and do something different. I would get bored of a routine. I think my baby would too.

Dreamin'

2008-08-02T06:18:00.000-07:00

I heard that dreams are more vivid when you're pregnant. I just had a dream that I was cheating on my husband...with my husband! But I didn't know who either of the were. It was so real, and so strange.

I showed up at the office where I used to work at 7:00 in the morning but my old floor had some hotel rooms on it. In one of the rooms, there was a guy who I know from my former job and the only reason I had to see him was because I needed Pac Man scores from him, but he kept pausing the game -- watching the news, some girl appeared from under his blanket, etc. I couldn't get his Pac Man scores so I wandered into another room to find Mr. Dallas. Although my real husband at home I don't think was Mr. Dallas. I was staring at this guy while we were rolling around on the floor (not really doing anything -- just rolling around on the floor) wondering why he looked so familiar and wondering why he was so interested in hooking up with a pregnant chick. I was so confused. Good thing I woke up.

To Call or Not to Call

2008-07-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

Perhaps my biggest hurdle so far is when and whether to call the doctor. Keep in mind that calling my doctor isn't the easiest feat. The office is very busy so you have to stay on hold, sometimes for 15 minutes, and then all they tell you is that she has to call you back. I understand this because I know she's not just going to leave a patient, but why do I have to sit on hold just for them to tell me that? There has to be a better way.

And so I call. I'm 29 weeks pregnant so any minor issue is cause for concern. I don't know if my OB is overly cautious, but I've been feeling those elusive braxton hicks contractions. I had two today, about four yesterday, and quite a few over the weekend. I told my OB that I wasn't sure if it was the baby moving or not and she told me not to second guess myself. She told me that if my stomach feels tight, then I am having contractions. I'm still not convinced. The whole outcome of today's visit was what I've been fearing all along. Stop all forms of extra-curricular activity. Go to work, go home. I am not good at that. It's not even fall yet, so there's nothing on tv. What the *(&^* should I do with myself? For me, I don't know what to do if I don't work out, or go out with friends. I have hobbies -- I write, I read, I paint, but none of that is appealing to me right now. All I want to do is go to yoga and go to the gym. Poor me.

Still Basking...?

2008-07-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty exhausted. I took an hour long nap today after doing, yep, you guessed it. NOTHING. The man and I just went for a walk and I was supposed to come home and start dinner. I rinsed some frozen shrimp and they're still sitting in the sink. I am pooped. I feel like I will never get back to normal. I know there is this huge light at the end of the tunnel for me, but right now the road is still so long. It feels especially longer when people tell me that I still have a ways to go. 11 weeks out of a whopping 40 doesn't seem like too much longer to me.

The good news is that I'm not 100% convinced that bean is a boy anymore, but that's only because I'm getting ugly. They say that girls take your beauty away. If bean does turn out to be a boy, there will be absolutely no explanation for my little pug nose to be widening right now. In 11 more weeks, my pug nose will stretch across from ear to ear. Can't wait.

Old man me

2008-07-25T10:50:00.000-07:00

So, I went to my OB GYN yesterday because I've been having some pain and swelling "down there." Turns out I HAVE A HERNIA. I thought that was only something old dudes get in their special places. I know, I know, it could be a lot worse and everything is relative and blah, blah, blah. This kind of thing does not happen to me though. I am in uber shape. I am healthy.

The good news is, it's not too serious and the surgery can wait until after the baby. It should not affect my delivery and as of now, it doesn't look like I'll have to have a c-section (which I kind of wouldn't mind because the whole not knowing when labor is going to happen is a major source of anxiety for me).

Anyway...I'm not sure if my need to feel invincible, my continued motivation to walk 2 1/2 miles to work, do yoga, go to the gym (am I skipping anything?) has anything to do with my hernia. The doctor isn't sure either. That said, heed my advice. Take it easy if you're pregnant. I remember having a broken ankle and not working out for 2 months. I was fine and jumped right back into shape after I was all healed. I also remember traipsing around Europe for 6 weeks, drinking wine and eating pizza (although my friends will tell you I wouldn't touch the bread). I came back thinner than I was when I left. While I do not believe pregnancy is a beautiful thing like some of my counterparts might, I do believe having a child is the most beautiful, fulfilling thing anyone can ever do. Now it's time for me to bask in it. ZZZzzzzzz...

Feels like the first time

2008-07-24T11:23:00.001-07:00

Actually, it is the first time. I just went went out to lunch with a bunch of the girls at work. I think the oldest one was 25. I'm 31 -- young, by most standards but old, married and preggos to this group. I found myself thinking, do they like the same music as me? Do they wear the same clothes? No, they're cooler than me, especially now. I'm used to being the youngest in the group. My husband is 3 years older than me so all of his friends are older. In my own circle of friends from school or elsewhere, I'm usually the youngest because my birthday is later in the year. I have always felt young...until now.

Now I feel remarkably old. This morning, I saw this dude from high school and he looked very much like an adult. Didn't say hi because I'm hot and tired and huge. Last week at that party, I bumped into a girl I used to be pretty good friends with in high school. She also looks like a grown up. I guess this all means I'm a grown up too. I don't notice it with myself or the friends I see every day because you don't see those people changing. I never know what Steve is talking about when he says, "Angie, do I look old?" He always looks the same to me. He doesn't have lines on his face and his big, beautiful blue eyes shine more brightly than ever these days. I usually don't even notice it with friends who I see sporadically. Maybe we take our close friends' looks for granted. Maybe we see inside of them, rather than just their faces. I remember asking my best friend once if she thought I was pretty (or something like that -- I don't really remember). What I do remember was her reply. She said, "Ange, you never change to me." We were probably only 19 or 20 then. I guess it's true. In the eyes of people who are close to us, we don't change. But that's not a bad thing.

Sinuses

2008-07-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

Here I go complaining again. I now have the 6th sinus infection of the pregnancy -- roughly one for every month since I found out I was preggos. My friend tells me to use the netti (sp?) pot but I can't bring myself to do it. Sorry AB. I almost bought one the other day but I got turned off by the thought of liquid in my schnoz.

I rarely used to get sick. I'm convinced that it has something to do with the fact that I was a die hard, three/four times a week bikram addict and then I had to stop cold turkey. You build up such an immunity to germs when you do bikram because there are so many of them flying around in the sweat! I guess my gym just isn't dirty enough.